It’s my right as a parent to decide how and where my baby poops.

Most sheeple out there just go along with what Big Diaper is telling them about poop. But these ignorant people need to educate themselves about healthy, natural alternatives to defecation.

You see, they don’t want you to know this, but disposable diapers are made of chemicals. One of the scariest types of chemicals in diapers are dioxins. One kind of dioxin is the active ingredient in Agent Orange. Sure, it’s not the same dioxin that’s found in diapers. And yes, you get more dioxins from your food than you would ever get from a diaper. But why take the risk?

And cloth diapers aren’t much better. Sure, a nice natural organic cotton diaper won’t have all those artificial toxins. But cloth diapers don’t magically clean themselves. And you know what they use to clean cloth diapers? Yep, you guessed it. Chemicals.

And did you know that nearly 100% of children who’ve gotten diabetes had worn a diaper at some point in their childhood? I’m not saying there’s a causal link, but clearly diapers give children diabetes. Sure, some doctors will say that’s not how statistics works, but that’s just like, their opinion, man. And even if there’s no way that a single diaper could give a child diabetes, just keep in mind just how many diapers a child gets during their infancy. Do you even know exactly how many diapers a child gets? Because if you don’t know, then clearly you’re an uninformed sheeple. So yeah, clearly even if a parent chooses to use diapers, they should be allowed to space them out to say, one diaper a month. That’s just common sense.

Why doesn’t the media or government tell you any of this? Well, Kimberly-Clark, the parent company of Huggies made over $21 billion last year. That’s more than enough money to keep politicians and media companies firmly in the pocket of Big Diaper.

So what are we informed, non-sheeple parents supposed to do to keep our kids safe? This is why my family practices what we call Paleo Pooping. We don’t use diapers or pants of any kind, and just let our son poop wherever he wants, even in public. It’s a nice, natural alternative to dangerous diapers. In the millions of years that man existed before diapers were invented, this is what everyone did, and obviously everyone was happier and healthier back then. Do you think that humanity has devolved to such an extent that we need plastic pouches just to contain our poop? What’s next, having to mill out chunks of glass to strap to our face, just to be able to see?

Poop is good. Poop is natural. Pooping on the ground helps make flowers, and what is better than flowers? Sure, it may be inconvenient for others, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to risk the health of my little one for something as trivial as public health.

And because of our healthy diet, of course my child’s poop doesn’t stink. Okay, it does stink, but in like, a good way. After all, what could smell better than a natural healthy lifestyle?