Experts agree. It’s best for your child to breastfeed exclusively for the first six months. But what if you can’t breastfeed because of latching problems or lack of supply? And when the six months are up, what are the best “foods” to start your child on? New research is pointing to some surprising answers: Go-Gurt and Hot Pockets.

“It’s never too early to get your child used to the foods they’ll be subsisting on in their 20s.”, says pediatrician Raleigh Wiles. “Some parents prefer to feed their children real food like fruits and vegetables. But that won’t be adequate to prepare them for the kinds of ‘science foods’ they’ll have to eat when they fail to get a job after college.”

Choosing the right Go-Gurt and Hot Pockets can be tricky. Go-Gurt and its British equivalent, known as “Frubes”, are now made with sugar, rather than the high-fructose corn syrup your growing child needs. So if you can find expired packages from before 2012 on the shelf at BigLots, that would be preferable. Don’t worry about the potential pathogens that may be present in expired foods. By giving your child’s immune system something to do, you’ll be helping them avoid having auto-immune disorders such as food allergies.

As for Hot Pockets, avoid Lean Pockets and Croissant Pockets. “The taste of Lean Pockets will confuse your child into eating cardboard,” says Dr. Wiles. Croissant Pockets, on the other hand, will give your child unrealistic expectations about their future standard of living.

Dr. Wiles does caution parents not to burn their child by giving them Hot Pockets that have been microwaved. Rather, it’s best to bring the pocket to room temperature slowly using a sous vide cooking method. Then cut a corner of the pocket and squirt it onto your wrist to verify it is a safe temperature.